If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
is that a dick in a sweater?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
