Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
