i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
