just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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