Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We had to coat check the pizza.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
