Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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