I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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