what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
