They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
