Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
