I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
