im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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