he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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