Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
