I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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