i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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