So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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