why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
