i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
