Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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