Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
