And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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