Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
