I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
