White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
