I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
birth control should be required to get into college
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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