so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
