never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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