my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
