I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize