I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
