When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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