You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
