remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
