I think i peed on brittanys purse
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
