Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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