Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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