You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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