He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
