And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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