I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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