i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
