sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My balls are so social today.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
