ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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