My nipple is on Facebook.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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