Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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