Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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