the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
