I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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