I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
