if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
