We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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