Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my shit smells like andre
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
