Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
