well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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