is your mom at the bar?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
