girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
