the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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