Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
