peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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