Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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