Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
