Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
