Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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