The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
