I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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