Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
