never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it glows. i had to have it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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