Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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