I cannot find my penis.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you never un-have a 4some
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
