508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm having to shit out rocks
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