i'm signing you up for texting rehab
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
