I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize