I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
