Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
