i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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