I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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