Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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